Please man, I don’t want to smell your finger…

So I had friends from Arizona come out last weekend to hang and attend the New Brew Thursday 3rd Anniversary Party at Beachwood BBQ in Long Beach. But being out of stater’s, and denied the sheer beer pouring power of San Diego, I of course had to take them on a little trip down south. Down, into whale’s vagina.

These poor fuckers won’t know what hit ’em.

After many beers at various breweries, a local friend showed up and took us to Hamilton’s, which is one of my favorite bars down there. Shit’s always taster’s choice on tap. After another few brews, and some people eating nacho fries, we headed to Toronado. Another top spot, we hung out with some locals, and watched one of my buddies get his ass handed to him in a Victory at Sea Pint Chugging race. I mean, he got worked; not that I would have done any better, especially with that big brew. After a leisurely stroll and half a Founders breakfast stout in the parking lot, SD’s finest got the drop on us. We had to painfully watch half a bottle of that fine elixir get dumped into some rose bushes. Lucky fucking rose bushes… Well to sum it up, we got pretty tanked. Local homie EQ gets big props for keeping the ship steady and driving for us. Oh and about those nacho fries….

When you go balls deep in Whales vagina, sometimes you erupt unexpectedly…

Saturday night, the masses of SoCal beer heads came out to Beachwood BBQ in Long Beach for the New Brew Thursday Anniversary party. This thing was awesome, even though I wasn’t really drinking but a taste or two, as I had driver duties that night. I’d say at least 200 bombers we’re devoured by the masses. Dr. Bill Sysak was there to pour many of them, including this magnum of 2006 Double Bastard. Big congrats to Bill, John, Matt, and Stephen for three great years and to many more!

Dr. Bill broke out quite a few from his cellar, this big bad bitch being one of them.

Many a bottle and glass were broken towards the end. I believe there was some inappropriate ass fingering and the subsequent forced smelling of said ass finger, titty twisters, and even a few cup checks between a couple individuals. This was a new perspective for me, seeing the drunken debauchery from sober eyes, especially at a beer event. But it was an awesome time none the less, the NBT guys threw a killer event that was to be remembered for a long time.

All in all a good weekend. It’s good to get hang time in with your friends. Good to get out of your town and delve into another, and see what’s out there. Good to eat more than just nacho fries before a drinking spree. So much good.

~HH

Bottleshares and the smokey bacon cantaloupe motherfucker

Who doesn’t love a good bottleshare? The chance to hang out with fellow beer people, try some great beers, and generally have a good time partying. I attended one recently with a couple of fellow Brewpunx. The particular host for this event is known for having great shares, with great and hard to come by beers showing their elusive faces. I strolled down to the house with EFM, also known to this very specific group fo people as Smokey Bacon cantaloupe Motherfucker. He’s a good buddy of mine who makes some great homebrews as well. We were going to meet up with Brewpunk Louie, and the host was a good mutual friend of us all, so good beer-soaked times were definitely in store for us.

When we arrived, the party was already in full swing. Friends Vince and James were already warmed up and rolling. It’s strange, but there’s some good people I love to see, but only see at shares or fests. Beer people are nomadic by nature it seems in my opinion, I know I am.

So much love at bottleshares, sometimes even with tongue.

EFM and I brought a few homebrews for people to try. Homebrews are always awesome at shares, I love trying other people’s brews. EFM brought a vanilla stout and a killer pale ale, and I brought a maple smoked porter and a DIPA that was admittedly slightly past its prime. Louie brought a great porter as well, so the Brewpunx represented well. The three of us are pretty blue-collar types. We bring what we can, and do like to trade and get our hands on hard to find bottles, but we don’t have awesome jobs. I’m pretty sure if you asked any of us, we’d say they sucked bad. Our friends at the share though did bring some killer beers. I’m not a snob when it comes to beers, but i do enjoy me some fine and hard to get beers, as shown below.

There’s craft trashed, then there’s bourbon barrel-aged craft trashed.

We had some great beers, and EFM’s pale really hit a home run with everybody. Louie’s porter was also recognized as being the shit. It’s great to talk to homebrewers while drinking, getting different ideas, techniques, and just bullshitting about making beer is always fun for me.

Brewpunx EFM and Louie discuss brewing, beer, and preferred undergarment attire. Boxer briefs won the day.

Host Steven puts Vince’s ass in check. Ok I made that up. The beer-soaked banter from the Copper Bar is always entertaining though. 

S

More of the evening’s pours. Taster’s choice all night long.

When we left, we were broasted to perfection. EFM’s better half Therese dropped me back at home, where i proceeded to crack a homebrew and reflect on the night. Too bad more nights weren’t filled with bottlesharing debauchery, good beers and good people makes them so special. Or maybe it’s just getting drunk on fine beers. Either way, I’ll take it with appreciation, and a burrito in the morning for the hangover.

~HH

 

 

There’s a big banana under my kilt

So the homebrew club I belong to, Ripperside Brewpunx, is holding a competition amongst its members in the Strong Scotch Ale Catergory. Hell, I never brewed a Wee Heavy before, so I was pretty excited to be finally brewing one. I’m usually a hophead, but I love this style, especially when there’s peat involved. Peat malt, for those that don’t know, is quite simply barley dried/smoked with peat. Yes, that mud-like stuff. It’s in Scotch Whiskys as well, giving it that signature smokey flavor and aroma. Not news really, but having never worked with it before I was eager to get this batch brewed.

I studied BJCP guidelines (Strong Scotch Ale), read up in some of my homebrewing books, and researched online. Geeking out like this definitely helps me be more successful with a new style. Getting the proper, huge amount of carmelization seemed to be the main rule, it was the method by which you got you carmelization that i had to decide on. Here’s what I did:

• Mashed at 156f for two hours.
• Collected one gallon of first runnings, then boiled that down to about a quart. When it’s like a slightly thinner version of liquid malt extract, it should be ready.
• Boiled wort for 2 hours, adding the wort reduction at the beginning.

reducing a gallon of first runnings down to a quart or carmelized tastiness is key.

With a two hour boil, i filled my kettle to the fuggin’ brim.

Everything went perfect on this brew day. Hit my strike mash temperature, got the carmelization I was looking for, and with a final gravity of 1.114, I was happy to have just created a monster. My 2L starter of Edinburgh yeast, backed up by a Safale-04 pitched dry should be able to handle this bad boy, after all, a final gravity in the 1.020’s range is exactly what I want. This brew is going to be perfect! Get this fermented and it’s in the bag right? Shit no.

My fermentation temp-controlled fridge is now out in the garage, and at most it holds a temp of 55 even when not running, so that wasn’t an option. My closet had been doing good for me, and with the house furnace not working, it’s cold as shit in there too, just not as bad as the garage. Perfect, I’m hoping to keep it around 64-66f anyways, so the closet seemed like a logical choice. The day after pitching, I had to work a 12 hour day, which sucks ass enough by itself. But I came home to a steadily pumping scotch ale that felt warm to the touch. FUCK.  I started to panic. I drenched a t-shirt, threw it over the carboy, and brought the carboy outside to the back yard to cool down. “This should help…” I thought. It didn’t. FUCK! I quickly ran to the garage, set up the temp control, and put the brew in there to chill.

It’s cold as shit outside, but this fucker is still toasty. FUCK. On a sidenote, Filth was a bad ass band, we’ll get to them later.

After checking it a couple of hours later, it was not much different. FUCK FUCK!! When I opened the fridge door I got the strong scent of bananas. Shit…. esters anyone? What a god-damned nightmare. I decided to leave it in there over night,  after checking it again a couple hours later and finding it seemed to be chilling down.

The next morning though, it was very cold. “SON OF A BITCH!” I thought. A 20 degree temp swing in a fermentation is awesome right? I was pissed more than anything, but brought it back to the closet to finish up. I can now say that it’s mellowed out, temp is steady and good, but what damage has already been done? Plenty I’m sure. I’ll report back for a taste test once it’s done, but this shit’s probably going to be a “I’m broke and wanna get drunk”, last resort batch. You never know though. The moral of this story is that it sucks to have your ferment fridge in a cold ass garage. Lesson learned.

~HH

Who’s Filth you may ask? Well here you go, you’re welcome.

Great, another fucking beer blogger…

 Just what the world needs right? Another beer snob ranting about some beer they’re reviewing, how “last year’s was better” or about what a “whale”  of a beer it is. Some ass who posted on Beer Advocate 1,000 times and scrubs the BA bros. backs for them in the shower with Cantillion. A jerk that drops $400 bucks at the bottleshop, but says they don’t homebrew because they don’t have either the time or money. Relax, I hate that crap as much as you do.

I’m a homebrewer. I’m not the best homebrewer. I don’t have a podcast and have never won the Ninkasi Award. Just a dood who loves brewing and craft beer. Six plus years and I still get excited when i fire up my kettle like i did the very first time i brewed.

Being a part of the homebrewing community is special.  No attitudes, no pissing contests, no ranks or different classes, just homebrewers. I knew nothing, went to my local homebrew shop to watch a demonstration, and a man that had been at it since the mid 80’s talked with me for over an hour about various methods, the science behind it all, and beer in general. I was quite taken aback by this. He talked to me and not at me, and with no air of superiority. Amazing, humans treating each other this way in today’s world. I was suprised and enthralled. Our homebrewing community will always be dear to my heart, plus they let me try their beers, which is a definite plus.

So no, this isn’t going to be full of beer reviews. I personally don’t pay much attention to them. I respect each one’s opinion, but they rarely affect whether or not I’ll try the beer myself. This IS going to be about homebrewing, my personal trials and errors, and homebrew recipes. I’ll tell you about my batches that turn out spectacular and the one’s that really suck something fierce. Maybe you’ll learn something that helps your own brewing, as I learn how to better mine. Hopefully, you’ll at least be entertained by all the jackassery. Grab a kettle, ferment something, and let your inner-bohemian or Dionysus devotee out. Life’s too short to simply watch others have all the fun.

~HH